So, after a long absence outside of my To Do list, I've decided to try writing again as a method of internet therapy. Here's why. I've been through a lot of major changes over the past year and I thought maybe writing about it would be a good way to keep me on track through a lot of difficult tasks ahead of me. Those of you who know me probably already know quite a bit about it. For those of you who don't, you probably here to check out my Willard State Hospital posts...http://samporiffic.blogspot.com/2009/05/and-what-did-you-do-this-weekend.html So, Hi. Welcome.
The number one change was that last December I left my husband, much to the joy of my friends and family. Simply put, he was an ass. An emotionally abusive ass. I was not in a good place with him and I was treated pretty badly by him for the entirety of our marriage. However, better the devil you know than the devil you don't, so the act of leaving was not exactly a simple task. But, after 13 years, I did. I'm broke, I have a crazy low paying job, a rundown car, my kitchen sink is leaking like a sieve and I am now a single mother of one surly teenager and three insane dogs. I worry every day about how I'm going to make it through to the next. I've had to grovel and accept help from people, which I hate. But at the same time, I need to count my blessings and remember to use the support that I have. I'm going to need it.
Leaving was hard. Staying gone is even harder. Nobody understands unless you've been through it. And it took so much for me to just stay out and make it through the days, I kind of lost sight of rebuilding my future. Well, now it's time to take action. Step one is this morning, I'm going to see a lawyer to start talking about drawing up some real legal paperwork. It is absolutely terrifying. I know it's supposed to be an empowering moment all about "taking back my life", but it is also scary as hell. I've spent years asleep. I spent months after leaving just trying to put myself back together and now that it's time for action I can only hope that I did a good enough job of it to push me through these next steps, so I don't break apart.
Wish me luck.
