43. For every experience you get: What are the biggest things you have learned?

Hmm...  I do think there are certain points in my life that have shaped me.  And not all of them in positive ways, but even the bad times have still taught me something.  I try to look at what I went through in my marriage as a learning experience.  It did teach me to "survive" although I hate that word, survivor.  I don't know how I can call myself a survivor when even years later, I'm still dealing with the effects of what I went through.  But I don't have a better term to use, so I suppose that's better than nothing. The marriage did teach me a way of acting and seeing the world that I'm still trying to undo, though.

Leaving my marriage, however taught me how strong I could really be.  It also taught me that I deserved someone to treat me well.  I deserved to be happy and I deserved good things in my life.  It's something I have to remind myself of, but I think I've made some slow progress in learning to accept that I deserve better than what I actually had.  I also learned that people can be incredibly caring and understanding even when you may have made some poor decisions.

My father's illness and death taught me to appreciate my loved ones.  Tragedy either brings people together or it tears them apart.  I was very lucky in that my family and friends banded together and were able to make my father's last months as good as possible.  And we were able to support each other, as well.  I learned that the worst times often bring out the best in people.  I learned that cancer fucking sucks and I never want to watch someone go through that again.  But I also learned that if I ever get sick, I hope I go down fighting like my dad did, even though he was crazy and angry to the end. He also never admitted defeat and there's something to be said for that. I also learned that I was lucky that when my dad passed, he did it with neither of us having unfinished business, questions or regrets and that he died knowing how much he was loved, no matter what. It taught me to make sure to cherish my other relationships, so they know how important they are, too.

When I lost a job for a really stupid reason a few years back, I learned that my tendency to try to take on too much responsibility and try to be the person who can do anything and fix everything is unhealthy.  I have to remind myself to slow down, to take care of myself when I'm overwhelmed and sometimes even stop and take a break and breathe.  It is still incredibly hard.  It's even harder to admit when I need help, that I really can't do everything.  It's hard to let go, but I have to.

When I joined the Army, I learned that I could be a part of a bigger picture.  I learned a sense of discipline and a different type of self-worth.  I learned that I could strike out on my own and be ok in a foreign place.  I could get out of my comfort zone, do something that most people might find crazy and I could push myself beyond my limits, physically and mentally.  I learned that I also never wanted to work in law enforcement again.  The Army, however, was a great experience and I truly believe that more people should give service to their country in some way.

I learned many, many years ago that I met the one person who "completes me" to be all Jerry Maguire about it.  I was too young to recognize it for what it was.  But I was also lucky enough to get a second chance.  People enter your lives when they're supposed to. And my person came along again at a point when I was better equipped to open myself and appreciate it.  It taught me again that sometimes it's worth it to take a chance if it makes your life happier and more fulfilling.  It taught me that it's ok to do what makes me happy, instead of what I think I'm supposed to do.  And it taught me that sometimes the hardest things bring the best rewards.

Hopefully, I will have more lessons to learn.