So, earlier this week I did something completely crazy and out of character. I actually went to visit a psychic. Yes, really. My friend Katrina was having a psychic party and asked me to come. I hadn't seen Katrina in quite some time anyway, so I figured even if the psychic end was silly or useless, st worst I'd get to have a nice time with a friend.
Which is how I ended up at the office of Cindy Newcomb with about twelve other people. I really wasn't expecting much, maybe some vague statements. Probably nothing that would have much impact on what was actually going on in my life. Needless to say, I was proven wrong. Now I know it sounds absolutely crazy, but I ended up having an experience that touched me in ways I couldn't have imagined and brought to a head everything I was struggling with. It was almost a transcendent and slightly frightening experience. Either this woman is an amazing instant researcher, just really good st reading body language or she has some other gift, whatever that is. All I know is it hit me hard.
So, how did it turn around so fast? In the first five minutes, she had me stand up and told me that Helen was there. And Helen isn't exactly the most common name, but it is the name of my grandmother. There were other little facts that a stranger shouldn't know. Things that even my friends don't know. Even if somehow this woman got my name ahead of time, I don't know how she would have been able to find those things about me. So, that definitlly opened me up to give what she said a chance.
For the next three hours, I watched this woman proceed to go through the lives of everyone in the office. And some of the things she said were pretty impressive and on point, especially the insights she was able to bring out. But, those are their stories and it is not my place to share those with the world. What I will say is that watching her do this with so many others and still be able to share such specific insights with such different people also helped me to listen. At times it was more like a counseling session than a reading.
Which comes to my story. She told me my father was there and that he was sorry about how he acted because of his tools. Now for some background, when my father was diagnosed with cancer, the hardest thing for him was having to watch us shut down his industrial supply business. To say he was angry is an understatement and he made it abundantly clear to us how angry he was, convinced that we were all working against him. Losing his business was worse than the cancer that killed him, because that business was his life. So, hearing that my father was sorry for the way he acted was like a weight lifted. And maybe none of it was real. Maybe she's just really good at reading people. But I'm still going to keep those words with me.
I think I've been doing better about opening up about the struggles I've been having in my life, especially with worries that things won't get better. At times I feel like I'm being held together by scotch tape. But I'm also really good at pretending I'm ok when I'm out in public. The nice thing about scotch tape is that it's invisible. She told me that I'm at the cusp of a new beginning and it's going to work, but only when I can learn to let go. She told me that I was verbally abused (two words I have never been able to say aloud about my marriage, even writing it is hard) and said it'll happen "when you can admit that it was never your fault." Like I said, at times it was almost like a counseling session.
And maybe that's all it was in the long run. But maybe it was the counseling session I needed at that moment. I needed someone to tell me it's ok to let go of that pain and those memories. It's ok to stop blaming myself. And it's ok to embrace what will make me happy. I need to embrace those new beginnings, instead of spending my time frightened. So whether she was a psychic or just a really good reader, I should still take those words as the gift they are and think on them.
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