So, way way way back in January I posted my list of goals for 1 year, 3 years, 5 years and 10 years. I've been feeling pretty low over the last few weeks, so looking back and seeing that I've made some progress on my one year goal did give me a little positive twinge. I am more secure financially. It's still not where I want to be, but at least I'm not in the cold sweat, "How am I going to make it through each month with my bills and still eat?" territory. I don't feel secure in a lot of other areas, though and that still bothers me.
And my issues right now are all about getting over the bad things that have happened to me, my worries that I'm just not good enough. My worries that I can't break free of what I went through, the worries of getting hurt, the worries of not having the life, love, family and emotional security I want to have. I still have times where I see something or hear something and it brings back some flashback and it's horrible. The stuff I went through, it stays with me. And I feel so alone. I don't know how other people move on from it, because I don't even know how to find people who talk, really talk about those struggles without sounding like a bad Lifetime movie. I don't want to read self-help or platitudes or cute Pinterest quotes over pretty backgrounds. Things like that don't inspire me, they just depress me more because it's not really that simple. I don't know where to find those people who can make me feel better and can teach me how to really let go in a realistic, non-treacly way. So, if there's someone out there that can do that, please point them in my direction.
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