10. How can you love yourself more today?

I believe I may have partially answered this question already in the last post, but not in a very specific way.  I know I have to be easier on myself and not believe the worst.  So, here's the things I can do today:

• Remind myself that I'm worthwhile and I've had a lot of good things too, despite the bad.
• Remind myself of the positive steps I've taken and that I do deserve to be happy.
• Do more nice things for myself.
• Stop and question when I'm feeling down if it's real or if it's stuff that I'm holding onto that other people have told me.
• Relax.
• Let go.

Sounds simple, I suppose. But the letting go part is hard. Even when it's something that might not be good for me, I'm holding onto a lot of familiar patterns and ways of thinking because it's what I know.  Letting go and starting fresh is scary.  I think the things I've been doing have been starting to pay off, but I still worry.

And now, I'm about to move out of my house (at least on a temporary basis).  Jaime's dad is going to come in and spend some time with her.  I don't know how it'll work, but it's what Jaime wants and we have been going through a rough period ever since the separation. Jaime has been blaming me for everything and has done her best to make sure I know that she considers it all my fault.  It's hard to have the person that you love most tell you and show you on a daily basis how much anger and contempt they have for you.  It's hard because there's also the other child who you know loves you, but is so confused and doesn't know how to reconcile that with so much anger.  And it sounds terrible, but I'm tired.  Her dad wants to give it a go with her and I need to let him.  I don't have a lot of faith that it'll work out, but I also know that I have fought and tried for well over a year with Jaime and she is not getting better.  And if her dad is serious about actually trying with her, I need to let him try.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done to let her go with her dad.  There's a part of me that screaming inside this is a terrible idea, but there's another part that says if it's what makes Jaime better then it's what I need to do. And maybe taking the stress off of being the main caregiver and enforcer, letting her dad take that over will give her and I a chance to relate on a different level and heal our relationship.  Maybe it'll help me heal, too. I just need to let her go and figure out who's really there for her and supporting her.  Then hopefully, she can make the choice to come back to me on her own.  Or maybe she will be ok with her dad.  If that's what it takes for her to get better, I guess it's what needs to happen.  Just wish me (and especially Jaime) luck.