Question 6 - How would you describe yourself?

Hmm...  I suppose I'm struggling hard not to describe myself as a failure.  I've been through a lot.  Losing my job, losing my financial stability, losing my faith in myself to a great extent.  Since last summer, I've been dealing with the feeling that everything I've worked with has slipped away.  It got me caught up in a really ugly cycle where I didn't like myself very much and I was starting to believe my life was just going to continue to spiral.  And I hit rock bottom and it sucked.

But when I was at my lowest, a good friend of mine took notice at just the right time and told me I was one of the strongest women she knew.  I don't know how much I believe it myself, but it's still a statement I've been holding on to in order to remind myself that all these struggles will pass.  At least I hope so.

So, maybe calling myself a failure is more my own fractured thinking.  I know I'm harder on myself than I should be and I hold myself up to a much higher standard than I do other people.  As a result, when things don't turn out exactly as they should for me, I can't handle it. I don't like failure. I don't like making mistakes and I end up punishing myself.  I'm trying to be easier on myself, but it's a very hard thing to learn.  I've found it helpful to try to step outside myself and ask how I would judge someone else vs. how I would judge my own behavior.  That way, I can be a little more forgiving of my faults, rather than getting wrapped up in being mad at myself.  

So, right now I'm going to stop calling myself a failure. I'm going to call myself a new soul with a new start to make my life anything I want it to be.  

Question 5: What are the most important things to you in life?

Well, an obvious answer to this question is my daughter Jaime.  She is the person who truly taught me how to love someone unconditionally.  She is the one thing in the world that is completely and utterly mine and I will protect her fiercely.  She is also the most challenging person and teaches me patience and understanding during those moments I'm ready to scream from dealing with the difficulties she presents. She has taught me to be a stronger and a better person, not only for her but for myself.

But I shouldn't stop there because it is such an obvious answer. And there's a lot more to me than being a mother. The fact is, parenthood is hard, time consuming and if that was my only identity, I'd probably go insane.

So for myself, I find my quest to learn new things to be important.  I love soaking in new knowledge. I love learning weird facts.  It doesn't sound like something of great importance, but continuing to deepen my understanding of things provides me with a lot of mental stimulation. And putting myself in the role of "eternal student" reminds me that no matter what, there is still so much in the world to learn and explore.  I think it's helped me continue to have a curious view of the world and allowed me to take more enjoyrment in things when I'm able to understand them better.  So, for me that's important.

In addition, trying to take care of myself physically is important.  I like to be healthy and active. I know I fall down in the area of eating better and that's something I need to pay better attention to, but I try.  Sometimes.  I have made really good strides in working out on a fairly regular basis and have reached the point where I actually feel off-kilter when I'm not working out.  It's also probably the best stress reliever I've found.

So, that's what I've come up with so far...