Sometimes it's just too easy...

Not so irrational fears

I've become a big fan of podcasts and especially like listening to them while walking the dog. One of the recent episodes of This American Life has especially stuck with me in a not so good way. In it, a woman describes an incident where a cockroach burrowed into her ear canal. YEEEA...aargh..ich..ach...hhchch. *shudder*

Believe it or not, with the exception of the horrendous creature affectionately known down south as the palmetto bug and the hissing cockroaches that were housed in a disturbingly full fishtank in my college bio lab, I really didn't know what regular house cockroaches looked like. Then I started working at DSS and learned very quickly how to identify all manner of insects and rodents. Yeah, it was quite an education. It turns out regular cockroaches are much smaller than I expected. So, the picture of one burrowing into someone's ear canal is quite real in my mind, as a result. Great.

Thanks to my job, I also finally know what silverfish are. Turns out, they're not really fish. My conception of them never developed beyond five years old, where I imagined them to be tiny air breathing fish that left little tunnels behind them from whatever they ate through. Kind of like termites. Instead, they're little scuttering beasts... I would rather have kept my old picture of them.
But nothing tops the horror of the house centipede.

This... this... is the stuff of nightmares.

Friday funtime...

So, things are getting to the point where my dad really can't be left home by himself for more than a short period of time, so I ended up taking the rest of today off to sit with him while my mom and brother run various errrands and pack up the rest of her office. Starting next week she'll be working from home full time, so that's a good thing.

It has not been a good day. Dad's not allowed to have control of his cigarettes anymore because he started to doze off while smoking and then it dropped on his chest. He would have set himself on fire if someone hadn't been there. Instead, he gets them one at a time so we can be sure he doesn't accidentally burn the house down. Anyways, he got very angry with me because I wouldn't give him the entire pack of cigarettes, accused me of picking sides with my mother, that I was taking away one of his few pleasures left and generally made me feel terrible. I cried, which I really hate doing.

I don't like having to do these things and feel like I'm being mean to him. I know that this is supposed to be in his best interests, but it still sucks to have to be put in this position. They don't talk about these kinds of situations when they talk about being a caregiver...

Anyway, Jimmy gave me a pep talk and reminded me that the stuff my dad is saying isn't really him. It's more him being sick and lashing out because he's angry at the situation. I just have to keep that in perspective, I guess.

It's Sunday... That means new signs at the P&C

What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

So, not long after my dad got sick, he asked me to wear one of those yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets. Normally, I hate those bracelets. However, my dad asked me to wear it and I can't say no to that. We all wear them now.

Later on, my mom told me that my dad believes that as long as we wear them, he thinks he's going to make it.

On Tuesday, he was starting to look worse. He seemed confused at times. He was hard to understand, almost slurring and mumbling his words. He seemed a lot shakier than he used to. I had to help him get up from his chair.

Wednesday morning, he almost fell over. If I hadn't been there to catch him, he would have crashed into the table. Later that night, my mom noticed that his feet have now become swollen and shiny. She had trouble waking him up from his nap and I went over to help her out.

Also on Wednesday night, I noticed I wasn't wearing my yellow bracelet. I tracked back to when I last recalled wearing it and figured out that it must have gotten stuck on my shirt sleeve Monday night when I was getting changed. Turned out I was right, found it and put the bracelet back on.

On Thursday, he looked even worse. My mom told me that she spoke to the hospice nurse about his feet and that the reason they're swollen is because he's shutting down. His kidneys are shutting down. He probably only has a few weeks left before he goes.

Now, I like to think of myself as a rational person. I know that things were going to get to this point. I realize he isn't going to get better. But then there's that little voice that asks whether this is happening now because I wasn't wearing my bracelet.

A conversation with Jimmy...

Jimmy: Chuck just called. Did you read the news? Four people here just died from Legionanaire's Disease.

Me: I know. And it's one person, not four. Six people total got sick.

Jimmy: So that's seven. We need to stop drinking the water.

Me: No, it's just six. One of the six died. And we don't need to stop drinking the water. It's only in one apartment building.

Jimmy: What are the symptoms?

Me: You don't have Legionnaire's Disease.

Jimmy: I've been feeling pretty sick the last couple days. My throat hurts.

Me: It's similar to pneumonia. And you don't have Legionnaire's Disease.

Jimmy: Tell Jaime she's not allowed to drink the water.


Later that evening...

Me: Your father called to tell you not to drink the water. Don't listen to him.

Tasty...

So, tonight was spent school shopping for Jaime. This also entails taking Jaime out for dinner. I made the mistake of allowing her to pick out the restaurant which is how we ended up at the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as Old Country Buffet.



Joy.



Actually, it was a little better than usual. I still ate pretty well because unfortunately, even if it's bad food, when I have an entire buffet in front of me I like to make sure I get my money's worth. Yes, I know. I'm cheap.



By the time I went to trivia this evening (which we got 3rd place at, thank you very much...) at Horigans I was still pretty full. I did find some room to order the dessert of the night, pistachio gelato, however. And this is what I got...



Joy! And this time I really mean it... It was a bit more elaborate than I expected and very tasty. Presentation is key. The homemade whipped cream was a nice touch, as well, and it paired better with my beer than I expected. (That's a rather nice Belgian ale for anyone who's interested, by the way.)


Overall, a good end to the night.

I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper...

It does just fine by itself.



For the record, if you do not recognize the title quote, you are no longer my friend...

I should also confess that I actually like Hamburger Helper. So I'm pretty sure now that those whom I have not already discounted as a friend for lack of proper quote recognition will most likely not be willing to be my friend any longer either.

The charge of the light brigade

So, the last few days have been pretty busy. On Thursday, there was a meeting with the doctor to go over the results for my dad's latest scans. For the most part things have plateaued and the cancer hasn't spread to any new areas, so that's good. However, the doctor also said that it's time to stop the chemo. I expected this and frankly, I was hoping for it too. Even though it sounds awful it really was time to stop. He's down to 103 pounds, he's sleeping all the time, he shakes, he's fallen twice so far... It's time to stop.

The falling is the worst. What makes it even harder was discovering how easy it is to pick my dad up. Because he weighs almost nothing. Now that's a huge dose of reality I wasn't ready for.

The doctor was pretty clear that continuing on with the chemo would be counterproductive. At this point, it would only make my dad more ill and weaker and would probably cause more harm than good. It's hard, but I still think it's time.

Plus, we finally get to start using hospice. I cannot even begin to describe the huge level of relief I have now that hospice is there. They are amazing. And fast! The doctor referred my dad on Thursday afternoon and they had an intake nurse at my parents' house by 6pm that night! She met with us for two hours and got everything started immediately. My dad already has a primary nurse, a social worker, an LPN to come in five days a week to do personal care and a homemaker to come in once a week to help out with the cleaning. Plus, they got him an air mattress (think Sleep Number) to help reduce the chance of bedsores, a cane and various other sundries. Hospice manages all the prescriptions and there are no more copays. They just tell us when to pick them up from the drug store and we get them all for free. Wow...

Seriously, it's like the cavalry rode in. I am amazed...

We are all dumber because of you

One of the downsides of parenthood is that you are often forced to watch terrible shows. Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm only watching documentaries and PBS. I will freely admit I watch my share of trashy TV. However, there's only so much Hannah Montana you can be exposed to before you're ready to start bashing some heads...

Anyway, Jaime has discovered the wonders of DVR (and it really is wonderful... Nothing better than skipping commercials!) . So now she can watch her shows any time she wants. Joy. As a result, I found myself sitting through the horror that is "Wanna Bet" on ABC. The high point was watching a guy kick himself in the head 5o times. Yes folks, this is the new standard of entertainment.

Now, maybe it doesn't mean much coming from someone who gets enjoyment from posting misspelled grocery store signs, but that's just my thoughts.

Speaking of misspelled grocery store signs, nothing goes better with "parmasan" cheese than...