12. Look at your life now. Are you living the life of your dreams?

I'm trying to imagine how anyone could really say, "Yes! Yes I am!"  In fact, if someone says this, you know they're lying.  Nobody is living the life of their dreams.  If I was, I would be sitting on the deck of my beachfront home in Hilton Head right now, relaxing with a book and hot mug of coffee.  Later to be replaced by a nice cold beer once it hits a reasonable hour...

So I'm going to get it out of the way right now that I'm not going to feel bad for saying no because the whole point of dreams is to imagine all the possibilities no matter how outlandish.  And who knows?  Maybe I will hit the lottery and I can get that place in Hilton Head.  In Sea Pines, of course, because that's where Harbour Town is.   And the Salty Dog Cafe.  I really need to save up for a trip to Hilton Head...  Now here is where we hit reality.  I can't live in Hilton Head, but I think it's a pretty reasonable goal to visit there again.  So, I think the important thing is to redefine that when I'm talking about dreams, what I really should mean is goals. Am I working toward goals that are going to help me get closer to living the life of my dreams?  That, I think I can answer yes to right now. Or at least I can be pleased that I'm in the process.

I've been working very hard to think about building vs. constantly reacting and shoring up the damage in my life.  Last year was about loss.  I lost so many things.  And I couldn't get past the constant chaos in my life.  I was completely in survival mode.  How am I going to manage my house? My child? My job? My relationships? How could I juggle all these things without going completely insane? I was just overwhelmed to the point that I couldn't think and see clearly.  And I took a really hard fall because of it.

This year is about rebuilding.  This year started out with my finally hitting my rock bottom and having to face the fact that I couldn't fix things unless I made some drastic changes.  I was very lucky to have people step up and help me get back on my feet.  I was especially lucky that there were people that took the step to reach out to me when I was too embarrassed to ask for that help.  And it turns out it was a good thing.  So, here's to working towards living that life of my dreams...