Good lord... How am I not busy lately? I feel like my life lately is filled with nothing but business. It's almost impossible to breathe sometimes. What am I busy with? A complete career change, planning for my financial stability and getting rid of my debts. Trying to be a good mother, a good daughter. Trying to navigate the maze that is my personal life. I'm busy trying to make everything better, make myself better.
Will it matter years down the line? I suppose that depends on whether I'm making the right decisions right now. I hope I am. All I really want is to feel some stability. To feel safe that my choices are good ones. That I'm laying the ground work for a better life. One where I can feel like I've accomplished something and that I'm loved and I'm happy. I hope I'm on the right path, but I'm feeling a lot of doubts about whether some of the things I've chosen to put my faith in won't end up hurting me in the end.
I hope in a year from now I'll feel a bit more secure. I hope in three years, I'll have some accomplishments under my belt. I'm hoping by five, I'll have built a home and a life to be proud of. But I've had those hopes before and they didn't work out. I don't want to fail again. I don't want to think that the goals I'm working towards are just as illusory as my old goals were. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
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