Tis the Season

Happy Holidays...

Movietime with Jaime

"Mom! There's a new Clint Eastwood film out where he plays an old man!"

Strangely enough, I think she's decided she wants to see the movie. I'm sure it's a good film, but it's a bit of a departure from the usual High School Musical fare she typically wants to go see...

Why yes, everything really is better with bacon...

I have to thank Katrina for being the first person to step up to the plate and take on the Bacon Chocolate Challenge! She also did a fantastic reading of the back of the packaging, putting a lot of emotion into lines such as "what began as a love of salt and sweet quickly unraveled into an obsession. No longer could I wait to unveil the royal coupling in solid bar form..."

Seriously, how can you not want to try this chocolate after that?

So, after taking the advice on the box to "rub your thumb over the bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate" the tasting began! And it was actually pretty good! Katrina liked it, too. So, my $6 was well spent.

I also learned that it's a lot harder for someone to say no to the bacon bar when it's right in front of them. So, I was pretty happy that I was able to convince some other folks at work to try it, with varying responses. I guess not everyone really understands the appeal of bacon chocolate.

And the piece de resistance... I even got my mom to try it. She described it as odd...

Everything's better with bacon!

Well, I'm not so sure anymore after coming across this at Wegmans tonight...

Yes, it's a chocolate bar... with bacon in it. I was horrified, yet strangely entranced at the same time. I think there's something wrong with that and feel somewhat dirty.

I came very close to buying it just so I could say I ate bacon chocolate. Then I saw that it cost $6 and started to question if I wanted to spend $6 on something that is potentially horrifying.

Now, late at night, I'm wondering again. What if the bacon bar is actually good? Chocolate is good. Bacon is good. Maybe it'd work. Or not. Maybe the taste will sear my soul...

I think I'm going to give in to the temptation in the end...

Just so I don't disappoint the fans...

I apologize for not writing sooner. Most of my thoughts have been dark lately, despite the holidays, but I'd rather not write further about that at this time and focus instead more on happier things. Such as the sign above! Enjoy...

Our new 51st state...

What I especially love about this sign is the fact that it's so easy to come up with dumb jokes about it...

Q: Why does the P&C misspell so many signs?

A: Idano!

Sadly, Idano is not as well known for the potato. However, it is famous for...

My life in a box...

Normally, I'm not one for internet memes, however this one was pretty neat:

1. Answer each of the questions below using the Flickr Search engine.
2. Choose a photo from the first three pages.
3. Copy the URL of your favorite photo into this site: http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
4. Share!

The questions:
my name / favorite food / hometown
favorite color / celebrity crush / favorite drink
dream vacation / favorite dessert / what I most want to be when I grow up
what I love most in the world / one word that describes me / my username


Alex / filet mignon / Elmira, NY
black / Zachary Quinto / coffee
Alaska / raspberry pie/ a hermit
Jaime / evil / Sampo

(I must admit that I did bend the rules a bit by searching for Jaime strictly though my photoset...)

Rochester Travelogue

So, I went to Rochester for work today. It was cold, grey and snowing a bit. Perfect travel weather...

Anyway, between meetings I took my lunch at the park at the Lower Falls, since there was a geocache I wanted to grab while I was in town. Despite the weather, the falls were still an impressive sight. And I'm sure that the park must be gorgeous during the warmer months. (no pun intended...)

I also got to see the park's bizarre statue, the Seat of Forgetting and Remembering. The sign explained that the sculptor used hand and face casts of hundreds of people in Rochester and described it this way, "the sculpture with its may relief designs of faces and hands celebrates our ONE-ness as humans as well as our unique characteristics."

I, however, was quite disturbed by it and have re-christened it as "Evil Stonehenge."


Maybe I just don't have an appreciation of the arts, but the only thought that came to my head after viewing this was, "ACK! DEMONS!"

Seriously, I'm going to have nightmares about this...

Dora's Bittersweet Symphony

I am not an animla!

When I forget how to talk, I sing

So, I look back at last night's post and my first thought was that I overshared... Then I recalled a good friend asking me why I always apologize for my feelings or preface it with "I shouldn't feel this way." And I do... So, I stopped myself from deleting the post.

I do need to be more comfortable with sharing. I don't like to sound depressed and whiny, but writing is a good outlet for me, so I think I need to do more of it. I guess I'm just working through a lot of things. It's probably odd that I'm doing it in a public venue, but I think I will continue. (However, if I really do start sounding too depressing, please let me know...)

Luckily, Hospice sent me a packet talking about the stages of grief the other day. That's one of the things they do. They send out information talking about the different things you might be going through, groups for different people, etc... It actually is quite helpful. They also do a camp in the summer for kids who have lost loved ones that I'm going to send Jaime to. Hospice really is a wonderful organization.

They're also doing a remembrance in January to celebrate those who passed away in the past year. My mom isn't sure she wants to go, but I think that I will. I think it will be a good thing.

Forever only takes it's toll on some

Strange night, but good. I finally convinced my mother to let me take her out to dinner at Moretti's. It was a good meal. I ordered the filet mignon, which is probably my favorite meal of all time. We talked about life in general. She's having a hard time. She feels so much guilt because she doesn't think she took good care enough of my dad. This in turn, makes me feel guilty because I feel like I had the easier job with him. I just had to be "good time dad". My job was to do stuff to make him happy, I got to do all the fun stuff with him. Meanwhile, she had to do the hard work. It's a strange feeling, like being a divorced parent without the divorce. Sometimes I feel like I left too much up for her to take care of. It's not like he even let me take care of him. He was too proud to let me. Which makes me wonder, why was it OK for him to let her do all those things? Why couldn't he have let me take some of the burden off of her? I guess I just will never know...

Canada Dry obviously harbors resentment against her more popular sister, Sprite...

As a bonus, I think that the next pic proves that the people at the P&C really don't know how to spell, as someone actually took the time to write this one out...

I never knew until now that ducks liked Quaker Oats...

Post-Halloween Round Up

So, my favorite holiday has come and gone. Sigh... Jaime dressed up as a zombie schoolgirl. Someone else referred to her as "Dead Britney", which was also a pretty amusing take on the outfit. Anyways, here she is in all her glory.



The weather was perfect for trick or treating. Nice and bright out, stars everywhere, just slight chill in the air, but warm enough that you didn't have to throw a jacket over your costume. We could not have asked for better.

Plus, the neighborhood was absolutely overrun with kids. I was able to give away almost all the candy, so I was happy. I am slightly disappointed that I didn't get around to buying extra decorations, but unfortunately with recent circumstances, I just didn't have the motivation to go shopping. Still, the stuff I already had still looks just as cool the second time around, so I guess I can't complain.

After trick or treating, we went to a friend's house for their son's Halloween party. And partook in my new Halloween tradition, The Flaming Pumpkin.



The idea came from Extreme Pumpkins, home of the famous Puking Pumpkin, which I have also used to great effect a couple times... Basically, you take a roll of toilet paper, soak it in lamp oil (or kerosene) for 24 hours, place it in the pumpkin and light it up!

Looking at this picture, I realize how crazily unsafe this looks, especially with all the grass around and the stump behind the pumpkin. In fact, the younger children were the only voices of reason to bring up that "maybe this is not a good idea." It worked, though, and it looked awesome, so I really don't care. Believe it or not, the pumpkin actually insulates the fire and stays cool to the touch. I don't know if it's the water inside the rind or what, but it was a neat bonus.



Anyway, a good time was had by all...

For all your household needs

Shameless plug...

So, one of my old friends from high school, Benjamin Costello, recently wrote and produced his own album, Start Again Tomorrow. Almost everyone I know has either a song or an artist associated with them in my mind. Ben was probably the only person that was close to being as big a fan of Billy Joel as me back in school. Though, I got the chance to speak to Billy Joel, where I don't think Ben ever did. Therefore, I win. Ha.

Anyway, I downloaded the album the other day and was quite impressed. Ben has always had a beautiful voice and also created some beautiful arrangements on his songs. Basically, he wrote the exact kind of album I would have expected him to. The music has a very dreamy quality, the kind you want to hear while wrapped up in a blanket on a cold, rainy day with a nice glass of wine. Kind of like today!

Ben's not a signed artist, so he's selling his album directly. It's available on his own website or on iTunes It is definitely worth checking out...

Dream analysis time

So, last night I had a dream that gas was $1.78 a gallon.

I believe this means... that my dreams are quite dull.

Still, it was a good dream.

...sigh...

I just noticed my dad's not listed as one of my Netflix friends anymore. Man, it's the little things that are the worst sometimes...

Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "I drank what?"

Wow, I really must look awful, posting my father's eulogy. Have I mentioned that I have bad days? Yeah, I guess this kind of proves that... Anyway, I feel the need to try to counter the bad mojo that I'm spreading over the intertubes and am going to make a list of things that make me happy... I'd also like to think of it as a counterpoint to the 9,999 Things...

So here goes...

1) Real Genius - Real Genius (hence the title) is indicative of one of those films that no matter how low you feel, it can always make you laugh. It's probably one of my favorite films of all time. I'm sure many would agree...


2) This.

Seriously, what can be more fun than messing around with Dick Cheney? Or this could just be further proof of how easily amused I really am... Yeah, that's probably it. I am pretty gleeful about the fact that he will not be vice-president much longer and will soon have to return to the lands of Mordor. And I am not ashamed of this.

3) Stupid jokes - I might be returning to maudlin territory, but I really enjoyed when my father would call me randomly to tell me bad jokes that he read in Boys Life Magazine. (truly a boy scout to the end...) In fact, I find myself telling Jaime the very same terrible jokes and get a real sense of enjoyment out of them. It's nice to pass things down to further generations...

4)The Indigo Girls - There is no bad mood that singing along with the Indigo Girls in your car can't cure. Trust me.

5) A good meal - I always say that I am a horribly cheap person when it comes to shopping. However, I have no compunction in laying down my money in the pursuit of a truly good meal. I love to eat. Not just to eat, but eating really good food. It is truly a great joy in my life. Especially if it's a filet mignon at Moretti's. There's just nothing better...

Well, I guess that's a good start. It's probably time to stop before I start singing Kumbahyah. (Though in my defense, I HATE that freakin' song...)

In a maudlin mood...

So, I'm sitting at home with Jaime today since she isn't feeling well. It's been a strange time for me lately and I suppose having to stay home doesn't make it better because it allows my thoughts to run wild. It sounds trite to say, but I have good days and bad days. Anyway, my mother sent me a copy of the eulogy my Uncle Dick gave at the funeral, so I thought I would share it.



Peter Collins- Remembrances


Good Morning, My name is Dick Christman and I am Peter’s brother-in-law. I was recently informed that I am now the patriarch of the family…translation: “you’re old!” When I told a co-worker at the United Way (who is a Lutheran minister) that I had been asked to give a eulogy he told me it was a pastor’s worst nightmare. Half the speakers decide they have to tell everything that ever happened to the person from the moment of conception to their death. Now if the deceased is 98 years old that can take a while! The other half thinks “aha, I have a captive audience” and proceeds to give their 90 minute stand-up comedy routine! Well, I will try not to do either.

How do I start to describe Peter…”warm and fuzzy” are not two words I would use. Peter was a quiet, intelligent, very private person. But he was much more…he was a caring man as evidenced by the many tributes coming in from former Boy Scouts and Leaders he has worked with through the years.

I have many remembrances of Peter during the 40 plus years I have known him and I will share just a few with you today. You rarely saw Peter without a book in his hand. He was a voracious reader. One of our favorite activities when Mrs. B was alive was charades. We had great charade parties on Foster Ave. and Logan St. We all cringed however when it was Peter’s turn to come up with a book title. It was always the most obscure title ever…a title only Peter and the author ever knew existed.

Now Peter was known to enjoy a little “nip” now and then and he was quite a wine connoisseur. The Collin’s and Christman’s rented a house on Hilton Head shortly after Mrs. B’s death. We had a relaxing, quiet time with our families and decided to go out for one special dinner. Of course Peter ordered the wine…the bottle arrived and Peter sent it back…wrong vintage…the next bottle arrived; Peter sniffed the cork…and sent it back! After sending back the third bottle the frustrated waiter came to the table, set down a bottle wine and said “this one is on the house…”so enjoy it” and left. We enjoyed it!

I think if Peter had one regret in his life it was that he did not become a chef. Many of you know of his and Susan’s prowess in the kitchen. I will always cherish wonderful New Year’s Eve dinners on Logan St. with champagne and lobster. Peter and Susan really could have opened a restaurant…they are that good! The “Peter and Susan Cooking Show” on The Food Channel. Peter and Susan together in the kitchen…picture that! Gordon Ramsey, eat your heart out!

This is a celebration of Peter’s life. I believe that a person’s life is truly revealed in the family and friends who have touched his life. Instead of someone talking about my life, I would like to be at my own Memorial service so that I could thank all those people who made me what I became. Maybe I will make a video to show at my service. So, I am going to be presumptuous and tell you what I think Peter would like to say if he were here in person.

Thank you to all the friends who helped me cope the last few months…those of you who brought food, who mowed the lawn, who sat and talked to me and gave Susan and me support. You were there for me and for Susan and I am grateful to all of you. You know who you are. Thank you to my sister-in-law Mary Louise. With your genteel southern charm you cleaned, ran numerous errands and helped out wherever you could. And, when it came time to leave for North Carolina you painted the kitchen on your way out the door! Thank you Peter Baker for the very nice letter and for persevering until you got a chance to see me. I enjoyed our talks about Scouting and the great times we had together. And of course Welthea, who drove from Buffalo to spend time with Susan and me. She did just about anything Susan needed…including cleaning, running the dishwasher and doing laundry (this from someone who doesn’t even know how to turn on the washing machine at home)! She would fix snacks for me, sit and talk to me and basically just “be Welthea” She also helped run a darn good garage sale! And my brother David…how can I thank you enough? Flying over from England to help where he could… getting the big old house back in shape and helping liquidate the Van Auken business. I am so happy I had one last chance to visit David and Linda in England before I was diagnosed. Then there is Jaime who came and helped cheer me up as only a granddaughter can do. Every parent wants to see their children grow up happy and successful. I am fortunate that I did see this happen and I am so proud of Cameron and Alexandra. Alex, who came by every day…, who spent most of her lunch hours with me. She was there whenever I needed her. Cameron made the long trip from St. Louis many times and was such a comfort. He helped his mother with whatever she needed…especially getting ready for the big Van Auken sale! I will miss them and I wish I had told them I loved them more often…but they knew! Finally, there is my wife…what a rock! Working full time, driving to Ithaca, coming home and cleaning and cooking to the point of exhaustion. I was not the easiest patient…especially when she was almost single-handedly liquidating the business (much to my dismay). She would comfort me on my dark days…thank you Susan…you are my life partner…my confidant…and I love you!

Now I know this is a celebration of Peter’s life but it is also a celebration of all of you…you have touched his life in so many ways and will continue to keep his memory alive! In 1982 Susan and Peter gave me a book of quotations called Good Advice, compiled by William Safire. I use it often. I would leave you with a quote on Mortality by Thomas Jefferson. As you may know Jefferson was not the most religious person, but I think the quote is appropriate for this service.


“Let us not be uneasy then about the different roads we may pursue, as believing them the shortest, to our last abode, but following the guidance of a good conscience, let us be happy in the hope that by these different paths we shall all meet in the end.”

Thank you and God speed, Peter.

Over one pound of sodium packed, processed, tasty goodness!

Yes, it's time for some...

We interrupt this broadcast...

to show you one of my favorite video clips ever. It's so, so wrong... yet so, so right.




It also helps that AC/DC is just all sorts of awesome...

I guess this is my way of saying that I'm starting to come awake again. Getting outside for a while yesterday with just me and the dog helped. I took some really nice pictures of my hike that I'll have to post later.

I also wanted to do a blanket thanks to everyone for their sympathies and kind words. I'll follow up with you all individually later when I have the energy to take on that task. That's a bit much right now for me.

...Each one is a setting sun.

I am back and doing better. At least for now... I made it through the madness and the funeral. Sheila and Adam drove up from Connecticut and took care of me and I do not know how I can ever express how thankful I am for that...

Several things happened over the past few days and I would sometimes think, "I should blog about that." Weird thought, I know and I probably will at a later point for some of them, but right now I'm just not ready for that.

Instead I'm just going to leave the link to my dad's guestbook online because it made me happy to see that other people knew my dad (as best as he would allow them to) and appreciated him. I had no idea how many people he touched. It makes me happy.

http://www.legacy.com/Star-Gazette/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=117969811

You were right about the stars...

My dad died today. I am still feeling strange. I feel strange posting this, like I'm putting my life on view. I don't know. I hurt. I miss my dad.

(Insert pithy comment here. I'm not up to the task right now...)

Things are looking bad right now for my father. Really bad. I took this morning off from work and watched Walker Texas Ranger with him today. Let me tell you, that is love. Not only is Walker Texas Ranger one of the worst shows on the planet, but I also hate Chuck Norris. I don't care if he's an internet sensation; the man is an utter tool. He also doesn't believe in evolution. I think I'm going to turn my hatred of Chuck Norris into one of the 9,999 Things to Be Pissed About. That should give me an outlet for my anger...

But I digress, I may hate Chuck Norris, but I do love my dad and it's one of his favorite shows. Of course, he does have terrible taste in TV shows. I suppose we can't all be perfect...

He was pretty coherent at first, but then things went downhill. He's definitely getting more confused. He seems to have forgotten how to use a cell phone. He started smoking a cigarette that didn't exist, then looked puzzledly at his hand trying to figure out where it went. This stuff would be funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking... I'm just watching him slip away.

It got to the point where I was just watching him to make sure he took another breath. He's practically gasping at times. And he's so tiny... I truly don't understand how he's still alive. There is absolutely nothing left on his bones...

I don't know if he'll make it to the end of the week at this point. I feel very confused right now. Just very confused and foggy... I don't know a better way to describe it.

Weekend update

Things have been a bit crazed between dealing with the myriad of cancer difficulties, plus Jimmy getting ready to leave for Minneapolis (TOMORROW! ARGH, too much stress!) for engineer class, so I haven't done too much more than post entertaining P&C photos. I apologize, so here's the update...

Jimmy is going away for the next three weeks for engineer school, which has made him somewhat crazed, but that's ok. He's getting himself psyched by watching YouTube videos of trains. Seriously. You have no idea how many of these videos there are out there. Sadly, I do know now... That said, it is pretty neat and I can completely understand the excitement for him moving up from conductor to engineer... He already said that he won't wear the striped cap, however. So that means no entertaining photos of the dog in an engineer cap. Dammit.

The only downside is my fear that my dad will most likely pass away while Jimmy's gone. I honestly don't know how he's held on as long as he has. Every time I think he can't get worse... he does. He's a stubborn old curmudgeon and still says that he's not going to die, but I think that's he's starting to come to terms with the fact that he can't hold out much longer. I'm nervous about that because I want him to accept what's going on, but I'm also nervous that once he does accept it, then he'll be gone. It's very confusing.

My Uncle David and Aunt Linda are coming from England next week and my brother is coming back again the first of the month. I think my dad is just hanging on so he can see them all one more time. I hope he makes it.

That said, after all this death talk I really need to switch gears so I don't depress everyone so much. Then I'm gonna curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.... (name that quote!)

Anyways, this is one of my new favorite P&C signs ever. It's almost as good as "Body Bored".

Don't water the plants, they're plastic!

They're not even trying anymore, are they...

Ok, so the P&C is really trying to tell me that this... this?!? is Aquafina? They must know what's going on. I can't imagine how this one could ever just slip by someone's notice.

You know, the more I look at this one, the more this looks like some sort of swear word...

Jimmy on politics...

"You know, some people are saying Obama is the anti-christ. And I'm ok with that. Especially if he's going to cut taxes."

I've got to admit, he may have a point... The anti-christ is still a more attractive option than McCain/Palin.

There and back again

So, I do a lot of driving for work. It's helped me learn the backroads of Western New York much better than I ever expected to need to know. I try to make my routes interesting whenever possible. During my travels, I've been watching the slow progress of the windfarm that's being built in the hills of Cohocton off of Interstate 390 and my curiosity finally got the better of me.

I was already on my way home and decided to take a detour to get a closer look at these windmills that have been causing so much controversy. A lot of people are up in arms against them. I'm really not sure why, as I don't see a downside to them.

Anyway, my internal radar was in top form and I quickly found myself amidst the windfarm. Part of me thought twice about whether I was supposed to be there, but I didn't see any no trespassing signs, so that was enough for me to continue on...

All I can say is wow... It was well worth the detour to check out. I counted at least 50 that were in the process of being built, with what to looks to be many more on the horizon.

I actually took these on my blackberry, since this expedition was more of a whim, so I'm looking forward to coming back again with a decent camera.

Sometimes it's just too easy...

Not so irrational fears

I've become a big fan of podcasts and especially like listening to them while walking the dog. One of the recent episodes of This American Life has especially stuck with me in a not so good way. In it, a woman describes an incident where a cockroach burrowed into her ear canal. YEEEA...aargh..ich..ach...hhchch. *shudder*

Believe it or not, with the exception of the horrendous creature affectionately known down south as the palmetto bug and the hissing cockroaches that were housed in a disturbingly full fishtank in my college bio lab, I really didn't know what regular house cockroaches looked like. Then I started working at DSS and learned very quickly how to identify all manner of insects and rodents. Yeah, it was quite an education. It turns out regular cockroaches are much smaller than I expected. So, the picture of one burrowing into someone's ear canal is quite real in my mind, as a result. Great.

Thanks to my job, I also finally know what silverfish are. Turns out, they're not really fish. My conception of them never developed beyond five years old, where I imagined them to be tiny air breathing fish that left little tunnels behind them from whatever they ate through. Kind of like termites. Instead, they're little scuttering beasts... I would rather have kept my old picture of them.
But nothing tops the horror of the house centipede.

This... this... is the stuff of nightmares.

Friday funtime...

So, things are getting to the point where my dad really can't be left home by himself for more than a short period of time, so I ended up taking the rest of today off to sit with him while my mom and brother run various errrands and pack up the rest of her office. Starting next week she'll be working from home full time, so that's a good thing.

It has not been a good day. Dad's not allowed to have control of his cigarettes anymore because he started to doze off while smoking and then it dropped on his chest. He would have set himself on fire if someone hadn't been there. Instead, he gets them one at a time so we can be sure he doesn't accidentally burn the house down. Anyways, he got very angry with me because I wouldn't give him the entire pack of cigarettes, accused me of picking sides with my mother, that I was taking away one of his few pleasures left and generally made me feel terrible. I cried, which I really hate doing.

I don't like having to do these things and feel like I'm being mean to him. I know that this is supposed to be in his best interests, but it still sucks to have to be put in this position. They don't talk about these kinds of situations when they talk about being a caregiver...

Anyway, Jimmy gave me a pep talk and reminded me that the stuff my dad is saying isn't really him. It's more him being sick and lashing out because he's angry at the situation. I just have to keep that in perspective, I guess.

It's Sunday... That means new signs at the P&C

What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

So, not long after my dad got sick, he asked me to wear one of those yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets. Normally, I hate those bracelets. However, my dad asked me to wear it and I can't say no to that. We all wear them now.

Later on, my mom told me that my dad believes that as long as we wear them, he thinks he's going to make it.

On Tuesday, he was starting to look worse. He seemed confused at times. He was hard to understand, almost slurring and mumbling his words. He seemed a lot shakier than he used to. I had to help him get up from his chair.

Wednesday morning, he almost fell over. If I hadn't been there to catch him, he would have crashed into the table. Later that night, my mom noticed that his feet have now become swollen and shiny. She had trouble waking him up from his nap and I went over to help her out.

Also on Wednesday night, I noticed I wasn't wearing my yellow bracelet. I tracked back to when I last recalled wearing it and figured out that it must have gotten stuck on my shirt sleeve Monday night when I was getting changed. Turned out I was right, found it and put the bracelet back on.

On Thursday, he looked even worse. My mom told me that she spoke to the hospice nurse about his feet and that the reason they're swollen is because he's shutting down. His kidneys are shutting down. He probably only has a few weeks left before he goes.

Now, I like to think of myself as a rational person. I know that things were going to get to this point. I realize he isn't going to get better. But then there's that little voice that asks whether this is happening now because I wasn't wearing my bracelet.

A conversation with Jimmy...

Jimmy: Chuck just called. Did you read the news? Four people here just died from Legionanaire's Disease.

Me: I know. And it's one person, not four. Six people total got sick.

Jimmy: So that's seven. We need to stop drinking the water.

Me: No, it's just six. One of the six died. And we don't need to stop drinking the water. It's only in one apartment building.

Jimmy: What are the symptoms?

Me: You don't have Legionnaire's Disease.

Jimmy: I've been feeling pretty sick the last couple days. My throat hurts.

Me: It's similar to pneumonia. And you don't have Legionnaire's Disease.

Jimmy: Tell Jaime she's not allowed to drink the water.


Later that evening...

Me: Your father called to tell you not to drink the water. Don't listen to him.

Tasty...

So, tonight was spent school shopping for Jaime. This also entails taking Jaime out for dinner. I made the mistake of allowing her to pick out the restaurant which is how we ended up at the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as Old Country Buffet.



Joy.



Actually, it was a little better than usual. I still ate pretty well because unfortunately, even if it's bad food, when I have an entire buffet in front of me I like to make sure I get my money's worth. Yes, I know. I'm cheap.



By the time I went to trivia this evening (which we got 3rd place at, thank you very much...) at Horigans I was still pretty full. I did find some room to order the dessert of the night, pistachio gelato, however. And this is what I got...



Joy! And this time I really mean it... It was a bit more elaborate than I expected and very tasty. Presentation is key. The homemade whipped cream was a nice touch, as well, and it paired better with my beer than I expected. (That's a rather nice Belgian ale for anyone who's interested, by the way.)


Overall, a good end to the night.

I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper...

It does just fine by itself.



For the record, if you do not recognize the title quote, you are no longer my friend...

I should also confess that I actually like Hamburger Helper. So I'm pretty sure now that those whom I have not already discounted as a friend for lack of proper quote recognition will most likely not be willing to be my friend any longer either.

The charge of the light brigade

So, the last few days have been pretty busy. On Thursday, there was a meeting with the doctor to go over the results for my dad's latest scans. For the most part things have plateaued and the cancer hasn't spread to any new areas, so that's good. However, the doctor also said that it's time to stop the chemo. I expected this and frankly, I was hoping for it too. Even though it sounds awful it really was time to stop. He's down to 103 pounds, he's sleeping all the time, he shakes, he's fallen twice so far... It's time to stop.

The falling is the worst. What makes it even harder was discovering how easy it is to pick my dad up. Because he weighs almost nothing. Now that's a huge dose of reality I wasn't ready for.

The doctor was pretty clear that continuing on with the chemo would be counterproductive. At this point, it would only make my dad more ill and weaker and would probably cause more harm than good. It's hard, but I still think it's time.

Plus, we finally get to start using hospice. I cannot even begin to describe the huge level of relief I have now that hospice is there. They are amazing. And fast! The doctor referred my dad on Thursday afternoon and they had an intake nurse at my parents' house by 6pm that night! She met with us for two hours and got everything started immediately. My dad already has a primary nurse, a social worker, an LPN to come in five days a week to do personal care and a homemaker to come in once a week to help out with the cleaning. Plus, they got him an air mattress (think Sleep Number) to help reduce the chance of bedsores, a cane and various other sundries. Hospice manages all the prescriptions and there are no more copays. They just tell us when to pick them up from the drug store and we get them all for free. Wow...

Seriously, it's like the cavalry rode in. I am amazed...

We are all dumber because of you

One of the downsides of parenthood is that you are often forced to watch terrible shows. Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm only watching documentaries and PBS. I will freely admit I watch my share of trashy TV. However, there's only so much Hannah Montana you can be exposed to before you're ready to start bashing some heads...

Anyway, Jaime has discovered the wonders of DVR (and it really is wonderful... Nothing better than skipping commercials!) . So now she can watch her shows any time she wants. Joy. As a result, I found myself sitting through the horror that is "Wanna Bet" on ABC. The high point was watching a guy kick himself in the head 5o times. Yes folks, this is the new standard of entertainment.

Now, maybe it doesn't mean much coming from someone who gets enjoyment from posting misspelled grocery store signs, but that's just my thoughts.

Speaking of misspelled grocery store signs, nothing goes better with "parmasan" cheese than...

Miss Manners approves

So, after weeks of waiting my jeep is finally back from the shop! Why is it back from the shop? Well, because almost a month ago a woman ran a red light and then promptly ran into me. To make it worse, Jaime was in the jeep with me and talking to my mom on the cell phone when the accident happened. So, of course my mother becomes hysterical after hearing Jaime screaming bloody murder, sends a friend to check on us to make sure we're ok and then gets in the car herself to check on us doubly so. I have a highly motivated family... My main concerns were that nobody got hurt and that it wasn't my fault. Lucky for me.

However, this still makes two, count 'em, TWO accidents in three months. I think we're cursed. I would understand if either were my fault because then at least there would be a reason for all of this, but no, I'm just cursed. On the bright side, since it wasn't my fault the jeep got fixed for free so I really shouldn't complain too much.

This was also the first time that I ever got a thank you card and a gift from someone I got into a car accident. Really. She sent a little magnet for Jaime in hopes that it would help her recover from any "post traumatic stress" and wrote a very nice note thanking me for treating her with kindness and compassion. It was actually quite a nice gesture. So, I guess everything worked out.

Especially since the jeep is back on the road! Yay! So, did I drive around with the top down today? You bet I did...

A moment of dispair averted in the grocery store

So, I've been getting worried that the folks at the P&C are finally starting to catch on that someone can't spell. They finally noticed the "Gaterade" sign and replaced it, as well as "flip fops". In fact last week, this was the only new sign I could find...


I didn't originally post it because I wasn't sure how many people are familiar with whoopie pies in the first place, so they just might not get the joke. Personally, I'm not a big fan of them simply because so much sugar in one package is a recipe for instant insulin shock.

I've always liked Bill Murray's line in What About Bob? when he says, "There are two types of people in this world. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him." (I'll just let you ponder which one I am without telling, but I'm thinking you'll probably guess right.) Anyways, the same thing applies to food. There are sugar people and there are salt/grease people. I am strongly in the salt/grease camp.

But I digress... I was talking about the lack of decent signs. Yesterday I was worried again because no new signs! Did they finally catch on to my game? What else am I going to document for entertainment? This was causing me serious stress...

So when I was in the checkout aisle, moping disappointedly, I looked over and spotted this...



Thank you P&C. Thank you for not letting me down.

I'm sorry I caused all that cancer

So, it's come to my attention that I may have freaked a few people out with my earlier post regarding my dad. I want to ensure everyone that I am ok. I go through my ups and downs, but I'm still hanging in there.

Just to prove I haven't lost my sense of humor I give you this, one of my all time favorite Kids in the Hall sketches. It's still damn funny...



Believe me, a sense of humor can be a pretty important tool.

I guess what I'm trying to say is despite everything, I still manage to get through each day and I know I will continue to move forward despite everything that happens. Even though it's been difficult at times, I'm still thankful for what I've got. I got to spend most of today watching golf with my dad and I know that the serenity of the experience is something I'll remember. I'm thankful that I've got that time and I want to make the most of it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him, but I will do whatever I can to make sure that when he leaves he knows how much he matters.

I'm also thankful at the people who have helped us (and especially my dad) through this time. It's been a blessing and it's amazing to see. No matter how small, it has made difference. I just wanted to say thanks...

30 Helens Agree...

The P&C signmakers still can't spell.

I am trying to break your heart

So, my parents' house is also being remodeled, just on a much larger scale. It really needed it and I have to say that it looks better than it has in years.

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that the only reason the house is getting fixed up is because my father is dying. The house needs to be put into shape so that when my dad goes, mom will be able to sell it. It's like reverse nesting... It's a frustrating situation. Part of me is glad to have the time to help out and plan for what we all know is coming down the line, but it's also horrendously depressing.

I especially get annoyed when people tell me that maybe things will get better. I'm sure they mean well and they may be trying to soften things, but I'd rather not be pandered to. I know what's going on and the reality is my father will not be around much longer. The evidence is right there staring me in the face and every day he gets tinier and weaker. I can't waste my time wishing for a miracle that isn't going to come.

Every milestone and special occasion is colored somehow with the knowledge that this is the last one. I went through my last birthday with him. I gave him his last father's day card. Do you know how hard it is to look at cards, knowing that you are never going to get this chance again? How do you pick something like that out?

Sometimes, it's hard to be positive. I try because I can't give in and I want to be strong. But I get tired...

Oh look, honey, Torgo has a little altar to Baal.

So, when I last showed the status of my sunroom it looked like this...



Now, thanks to the miracle of technology, here is Sunroom 2.o!

Let me tell you, it was a hell of a lot of work... There's still more to be done, but it's infinitely more liveable. Now Jimmy has no excuse for not brewing up the next batch of beer...

Down at the ole swimmin' hole

It may be kind of "rednecky" but it was HOT today. REAL HOT. So there was only one way to cool off...

Doesn't that just look like heaven? There's a nice section of the creek near my house which some enterprising folks built a dam and made a little swimming hole. It's actually pretty well built, too. I felt very "Little House on the Prairie", but a good time was had by all... Seriously, what more can you ask for?

Food for thought

I promised more pictures from the P&C and I do not go back on my promises...

So, welcome to the new blog

If there's anything you want to catch up on, all my old posts are still on my old blog right here. Anyways, I decided it was time for a new home, so here goes...

I'm going to repost this one last thing... The BEST P&C SIGN EVER!

To balance things, I also like this one a lot... This one's new.





I keep trying to find ways to justify it. Maybe it's supposed to be "California Cauliflower"... No, probably not.

And yes, I do have more signs yet to come...

Movie Time Again!

Also, in honor of my new blog, I'm reposting this because I got such a lame response before. Come on, don't disappoint me...

-Pick 20 of your favourite movies.
-Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
-Post them here for everyone to guess.
-Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
-NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions!!

1. Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported. This is Spinal Tap - guessed by Ken
   
2. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies.
   
3. Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - guessed by Bancha
   
4. The jail you planned for me is the one you're gonna rot in.
   
5. The funny thing is, on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook. The Shawshank Redemption - guessed by Ken
   
6. Don't forget to kill Philip!
   
7. From the very beginning your manners impressed me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit and your selfish disdain for the feelings of others. I had not known you a month before I felt you were the last man in the world whom I could ever marry!
   
8. I told 'em not to touch the alarm. They touched it. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive.
   
9. But then an even greater force emerged, the "UN"… and the "UN" un-nazied the world. Forever.
   
10. Mac... they said you escaped. I knew you wouldn't leave without me. I was waiting for you. Now we can make it, Mac; I feel big as a damn mountain.
    
11. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room. Dr. Strangelove - guessed by Adam
    
12. We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks, but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other.
    
13. Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid. Better Off Dead - Guessed by Adam
    
14. All right. Wow, well you know, you got this movie and I'm getting hitched. We both had a good month, huh?
    
15. Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos! The Big Lebowski - Guessed by Adam
    
16. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
    
17. No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
    
18. Lucy, is an artist. Lucy paints pictures of Barbara Streisand.
    
19. Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.
    
20. Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Dirty Dancing - Guessed by Adam

Re: Your Brains

My inaugural post shows one of the other reasons I switched to blogger. I can post videos! Yay!